Before I left New York for good I cast my wisdom teeth in silver and gave them to my beloved chosen family. One of those beloveds, a holder of a tooth, called me today on one of a long path of dangerous precipices. She told me that her husband had been hospitalized after two suicide attempts in one week while suffering with paranoia, delusions and hallucinations...again. This was one of the reasons they left New York for his home town. She tells me he has been in the hospital for the last three weeks. The doctors say there is no end yet in sight, and that certainly seems so.
This beautiful woman has suffered relentlessly with lupus for a decade now, as well as drug addiction most of her life. She weighs less than 100lbs at the moment, and has lost too much of her hair and teeth. Her husband has been her only caretaker in these difficult recent years, but he too suffers with paralyzingly black depressions, as well as urgent and active suicidal/homicidal ideation for the both of them. They are both 41.
I recognized immediately that she was standing on a very real edge. This time more acutely than ever, as her beloved husband and caretaker appears to be entirely alien and terribly sick. I asked if she had his genome sequenced yet, or if she had started the slow climb onto the supplements I suggested (she has had hers sequenced and we discovered that she too is homozygous for MTHFR). She shared that she has no money—none—and can't imagine asking her husband's parents who have been supporting them for years for one more thing in this time of crisis. She says it's humiliating feeling like a source of frustration as someone who has become a burden because she can't seem to do the "wellness" thing right, or be good enough at getting better. She agreed to let me purchase the sequencing kit for him, and pay for their sequences to be interpreted. Then they can sit down with a doc who can counsel them on their conditions and treatment options when it's all ready. I am certain this will save their lives.
I'm sharing this with you, dear 100Stone family, because you might not know that we, and a growing number of clinicians, can now see the sequences of so many of our most basic and essential cellular/metabolic processes, as well as the genetic (molecular) conditions that determine how our bodies operate, and the cognitive, behavioral, and physical effects of those molecular conditions. We can see what we are, how we are, how to influence cellular processes that are malfunctioning, and how our bodies will respond to the foods and drugs we put in them. More importantly, there is no need to experiment with pharmaceuticals that could hurt us, make us sick, or cause dark shifts in our perceptions like thinking we want to die. Those times are coming to a close now. And let me tell you, as I look back from having received the benefits of this treatment I see a very dark age of medicine behind me. An age that very soon will seem just as ignorant and barbaric as the times of manual and chemical lobotomies.
The light of genomic insight is beaming into our essential selves. Your illness is not your fault. More importantly, it is not a character flaw. It is simply a product of your parts, and the experiences that affect those parts. Now that we are empowered with genomic technologies I believe we have a responsibility to ourselves to know our parts and help them work as best they can. You can start by simply ordering a kit to sequence your genome. There are several ancestry sites that do this. I did mine with 23andme.com for $199, and had it interpreted through Tree of Life Health Ministries online variant analysis instrument. This interpretation tool, as well as a tool on mthfrsupport.com ($30) and others, are accessed by a clinician. We have one clinician here in Alaska that is familiar with this approach. I'm happy to share her name if you're interested. In the meantime, buy the kit tonight. Buy it for yourself and your children. Why now? Because you, and they, don't have time to wait as you perhaps grow more withdrawn or ashamed of not being able to get well enough, right enough, fast enough, or with enough longevity.
I tell you now, with all the knowing of despair as I wish to ever have, this pursuit has changed my relationship to myself and the world. I am not cured. But I am more well than I ever imagined I could be, and I am equipped to manage my body and my wellness in the way I've always dreamed. More importantly, I am alive, and strong enough to experience a most gloriously beautiful life with richness and verve...and with a massive, 100-stone burden lifted.
Regardless of whether you are truly alone, or feel alone in your nest of loved ones, You must be your own best champion. Research "genomic medicine" "genomic treatment mental health" "genetic biomarkers mental health" "genetic factors ________ (enter your symptoms here, ex. depression)". Here are some articles to start with out of UCLA; another out of Nature; and the most recent research using data from 450,000 23andme users, including me.
I ask my dear friend, and all of you who are standing with her on that precipice, those who have known it before, and those of you who have watched your beloveds walk to the edge...please stay. Just a little bit longer. Because you can't miss this. This is changing everything.
Please.
Stay.
I see you, my beloved friend. I -we- know where you are. You don't have to go. We're waiting for you just beyond the black. You'll see. It's so beautiful here.
I love you more than the sky.
Staying with you—
Sarah
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National Suicide Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Careline Alaska: 877-266-4357
Crisis Text Line: text 741741